Biggest Tool Award

Yesterday, I came across the clear winner for this year’s “Biggest Tool Award.”

What is the “Biggest Tool Award” you ask (otherwise known as The Toolies)? Well honestly it’s something I just made up for when I come in contact with some moron (usually a guy) that goes above and beyond the call of normal morons and deserves to be recognized for being the biggest tool (annoying) that he can be.

Here’s how our winner came about: I was at the movie theater yesterday with some friends waiting in line to get in. This is when I noticed Capt. Dumbbell with his girlfriend. It was quite clear to see that Capt. Dumbbell obviously spent every free minute at the gym working out and a lot of time flexing in the mirror talking to himself about his ‘guns’, however not much time at the library or school “thinking”, as this clearly wasn’t his strong suit.

Well Capt. Dumbbell (I observed) about every five minutes would ask and accuse his friends (for all to hear) of grabbing his girlfriend’s ass. “Did you grab my girlfriend’s ass?!? You did didn’t you!!” To which then he would quickly respond without waiting for an answer, “I should make a sock-puppet out of you. Are you f’n crazy?!?” As he would flex and pound his fist in his hand.

Rinse and Repeat. This went on for quite some time, and after about 10 mins of this and still continuing his rants in the theater he had everyone’s nomination for the “Biggest Tool Award”.

So congrats Captain Dumbbell. You are this year’s clear winner of the Biggest Tool Award. And it’s only March! You should be proud … or ashamed.

P.S. - I grabbed your girlfriend's ass.