Why I DON’T drink bleach underneath the sink

Today I was once again reminded of the usefulness and purpose of Mr. Yuck stickers warning us what NOT to drink underneath the sink.

Over my lunch break today from work I took my car down the street to gas up and get a car wash at Bobby & Steve’s Auto World downtown Minneapolis. I pulled next to the gas pump, got out of my car and as soon as I did I had the feeling like something was incredibly wrong. I heard shouting. I looked around and notice everyone had locked themselves inside their cars, and a crazy unkempt looking woman in hysterics was running around waving her hands and screaming “They stole my $5,000!!!! They stole it from me!!! I have proof!!!”

As I was the only one (stupid enough) to be outside their car at the time she immediately ran over to me and started pulling at my shirt saying, “They stole my $5,000!! That’s a lot of money right? They stole it!” To which I responded, “I’m sorry … that sucks!”

Startled by the woman’s forcefulness I took one look at her and caught an eyeful of a whole lotta DAMN going on. The woman’s hair was long, stringy and tangled. Her clothes were dirty and ripped. She reeked and her mouth looked like a train wreck! There were several missing teeth and the few precious remaining ‘chompers’ were a jagged mess and two of them stuck straight out. Yikes! To quote one of my favorite Simpsons lines, “I call the BIG one ‘Chomper’!”

Well I immediately kept my eyes focused on the ground and the gas pump (as if my life depended on it) all while the woman kept asking me questions and tried to get me to believe that magical forces “stole” her money she put away in a secret room. Meanwhile I thought to myself the whole time, “Please don’t kill me freaky Jason!” Luckily enough the manager of Bobby & Steve’s Auto World finally saw her and ran out, pulled her aside and got her to leave. The cops showed up shortly after the incident and after she had left. Yikes!!

Let this be a resounding warning to all the kiddies and bored adults out there. The chemicals underneath the sink are NOT for drinking!! They may seem colorful, mysterious and even tempting, but they cause brain damage and can make you think that you’ve lost large sums of money from a magical room!! A word to the wise! BEWARE!