(Warning: I just experienced the 'worst bus ride ever' and below is a recounting of that event. It is not a positive tail, it is one of frustration. Read at your own risk!)
Well I just experienced probably on record the worst bus ride EVER!!!! Not to sound too negative here, but DAMN!!! Okay, I missed my bus so I had to wait an extra 15 mins for the next one. Alright, whatever.So my bus finally arrives (time ticked backwards for a while) and I get on the bus and all of the seats are just about full so I'm forced to sit in the seats in the front of the bus that are positioned sideways so you are forced to look at the person right across from you the whole trip. Awkward... I soon notice that the back of the bus is full of people of 'African-American' decent, which is cool, but not when these people keep yelling at each other at the top of their lungs like it's no big deal. I realize I'm a white boy from Minnesota, but DAMN Shaniqua (yes that was her name) I don't think that the rest of the people are as deaf as you so let's tone it down a bit, huh?!?
So as this "wonderful" and "colorful" conversation is going on in the back of the bus a couple of stops later "Stinky Sam" the hobo gets on. This guy obviously has problems. First he doesn't walk so well (took him 5 mins to get on the bus and another 10 to find enough change), then he proceeds to sit down about a seat away from me. Again, this guy has serious problems, and I will touch upon the biggest on...no sense of smell. What transpired next was the most horrible smell known to man, animal or alien. A mix of the most vile BO and urine combination imaginable. This was BAD folks!!! I mean it was such a powerful stink it brought tears to my eyes. Time to take a bath buddy, please, for me!
After a few stops, full bus or not, I couldn't stand it much longer so I got up and started moving towards the "volume impaired" people in the back of the bus. After a little while, a seat finally opened up. I sit down and who comes marching down the aisle in full on army fatigues, crazy unkempt grey hair, black glasses and reeking of cigarettes? None other than 'Crazy Carl The Conspiracy Theorist'.
Well Crazy Carl sits down next to me and proceeds to tell me that he is a conspiracy theorist; he tells me that if you can't find a problem then you just aren't looking hard enough. Just a great motto don't you think? Well, I try to give him the hint and ignore him, but Crazy Carl just isn't having it. Not today, my good sir!! So he continues to describe on in detail how America is a Facist Regime and how he prays every night that someone would "get rid" of Kenneth Lay. Only he didn't say "get rid", he used more violent means to describe how he wishes someone would dispose of this man. So now I'm starting to fear for my safety, as he continues on other theories. Then just as I'm about to get off (thank God!!) he proceeds to write 5 websites I need to check out to "inform" myself of all the problems going on in America. I grabbed the slip of paper and ran off the bus like it was on fire.
All I can say out there for the kids tuning into our program today is, "Kids, never take the bus, ever!!! And never talk to strangers even if they talk to you, it's a trap!! If you're cornered, well just scream and run as fast as you can anywhere, but there!! Trust me on this one."
Friday, April 07, 2006
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3 comments:
What are the websites?
awesome...your bus ride is worse than mine. That alone make me happy :)
I'd give you the websites, but I threw them away. I figure I'd be red-flagged by the govt. or something if I went to the websites, and a special "black ops" team would come and take me in the night. Okay that probably wouldn't happen, but they hit the trash.
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