Ghetto-fabulous

Recently, I discovered a new route on my drive home from work. This new route is much quicker and easier, which is good. Yay! However, it happens to take me through the ghetto in Minneapolis, which is bad. Booo!

Well yesterday on my drive home from work I’m traveling down Portland Ave. S and going about 45 MPH. A little fast, but hey who does the speed limit anymore, right? I get to about 33rd St. E and I notice a couple car lengths ahead of me off to the right a yard full of black people waving their fists and arms in the air and yelling at each other. (A regular occurrence in the ghetto.) However, then I notice most of the attention is focused on 3 guys closer to the street (and my car) yelling at each other. One guy (will call Tyrone Shoelaces) out of no where proceeds to punch guy two (umm…will call him Basketball Jones) in the chest and take something from him. Not believing what I just saw I’m glued to the ordeal like watching a fight in the ghetto. Oh wait?!?

Immediately, after punching and stealing, Tyrone takes off running (at me, into traffic) at full speed being chased by Basketball Jones and another black guy (will call him Bob). I immediately hit the breaks and swerve to avoid hitting Tyrone. What an idiot!

I look back in my rearview mirror and I see Tyrone running away from the other two guys as fast as his legs will take him. “Run like you stole it!” I yell out. Cause well … it looks like he did. Well Tyrone, not being blessed with brains nor coordination, gets a little further then trips over his own feet and falls (rather painfully) to the ground. SMACK! A couple of more cars swerve to avoid hitting him. Then Tyrone immediately gets up (for fear of being beat within an inch of his life from Basketball and Bob) and RUNS INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. He proceeds to run across the street dodging cars and making them swerve to narrowly avoid becoming street pizza. Wow! Basketball and Bob not being as dumb as Tyrone, choose life over imminent death and decide not to run into oncoming traffic, but instead do choose to yell obscenities at Tyrone waving their hands in the air.

Well all of this happened in the course of about 30 seconds, but man what a ghetto-fabulous adventure! Maybe I should just stick to my old route home from work? Nah, this is much more entertaining.

Strap yourselves in and lock the doors! We’re going for a ride through the ghetto. ;) Good times.